Crappy Cinema Council

Certain years are indelibly burned into the popular...

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 15:18:47 -0400

Certain years are indelibly burned into the popular imagination. 1968 was a year of protest, revolution and psychedelia. 1977 birthed punk rock and Star Wars. And 1991 was the year that everyone on earth loved Rikki Lake, hockey, the Zodiac, and funky funky funky dope fisherman’s hats. You remember, right? No? Well, let this McDonald’s promotional VHS tape, “1991: Hot Clips,” take us all back to where no one ever was…

Back in the day, people had to make their own porn using a...

Tue, 22 May 2012 12:27:34 -0400

Back in the day, people had to make their own porn using a Commodore 64 running AutoCAD. This guy just can’t quite get it to “look real,” but I think we can all agree he’s very, very close. From the 1988 Italian horror film “Zombie 5: Killing Birds,” which doesn’t have a single zombie in it.

As scientists get closer and closer to creating a truly...

Fri, 18 May 2012 15:39:56 -0400

As scientists get closer and closer to creating a truly life-like, artificially-intelligent cyborg, it’s important that you all start preparing yourselves for the inevitable: your first fight to the death! Just remember a few simple rules that might save your life…

1. A robot assassin’s greatest weakness is his shins! Weakly kick them several times.

2. At no point should you ever try to enlist help from any heavily-armed police force that may be nearby. You got this, bro.

3. ABDB! (Always Be Dirt-Biking!)

(This clip is from the 1993 classic piece of shit ‘Cyborg Cop,’ and I feel it’s important to note that neither the cyborg nor the hero are cops -JVB)

Council members! We’re going to pepper-spray comedy in the...

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 13:32:40 -0400

Council members! We’re going to pepper-spray comedy in the face with this month’s theme: COPS. We’ve got clips with robot cops, dumb cops, dog cops, ninja cops, police cops and more!

We’ve also assembled a SWAT team of comedians to help us out:

MICHAEL CHE (Walker, Texas Ranger)
DAVID COPE (Tackleberry)
ZACHARIAH DURR (Turner)
STEVE O’BRIEN (Hooch)
ASHLEY BROOKE ROBERTS (Cagney and/or Lacey)
Hosted by TEAM JIM (Tango & Cash)

Tuesday May 1, 9pm
TOTALLY FREE, YOU GUYS
Public Assembly (n6/Wythe in Williamsburg)

And check out the Society For the Advancement of Social Studies before us in the front room at 7pm… this month their theme is prehistory! Check ‘em out here: http://getsaucedatsass.tumblr.com/

Another find from the CCC vault… back in the 90s, TEAM JIM...

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 14:46:18 -0400

Another find from the CCC vault… back in the 90s, TEAM JIM starred in a bunch of different TV projects, everything from sitcoms to syndicated “action pack” shows. Here are a few highlights.

TEAM JIM recently discovered that we’ve been doing Crappy...

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 11:43:06 -0400

TEAM JIM recently discovered that we’ve been doing Crappy Cinema Council since 1990… and we were very excited to learn that we worked with Mike Judge on an animated series! Here’s hoping for 22 more years of crap.

HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS! It’s our CCC Anniversary Spectacular!!...

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 11:17:22 -0400

HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS! It’s our CCC Anniversary Spectacular!! I can’t believe it’s been 22 years since we started this show… or has it only been 2 years? Who even knows anymore. What we DO know, though, is that this show is going to be awesome. Our theme this month is THE ’90s, which is perhaps the most fertile decade for crappy cinema, and we’ve got a bunch of hilarious friends joining us for the celebration:

Found Footage Festival!
TV Carnage!
Matt Wayne!
Sara Schaefer!
Jeff Wesselschmidt!
Steve O’Brien!

Plus a few surprises…

Hosted by TEAM JIM

Tuesday April 3rd
Doors at 9pm
FREE. SO SUPER FREE.

And check out the Society For the Advancement of Social Studies before us in the front room at 7pm… this month their theme is recreational drug use, which coincidentally is our unofficial theme every month. Check ‘em out here: http://getsaucedatsass.tumblr.com/

Dearest Council Members, it’s time yet again for a meeting...

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 09:45:00 -0500

Dearest Council Members, it’s time yet again for a meeting of the CCC! This month’s theme: ACTING. Watch some of cinema’s least-capable thespians fumble their way through terrible scenes. Busey. Cage. O’Donnell. Ewing. De Morais. You know, all the greats.

TUESDAY, March 6th
Doors at 9pm
Public Assembly (n6th/Wythe in Williamsburg)
FREE!

Featuring stand-up by:
GREG STONE (Dr. Tobias Fünke)
GONZALO CORDOVA (Dickie Roberts)
JASON BURKE (Norma Desmond)
NATE FERNALD (Vinny Chase)
MATT KOFF (Martin Weir)
hosted by TEAM JIM (Tugg Speedman, Kirk Lazarus)

Council: assemble!

First Tuesdays at Public Assembly— The Society for the Advancement of Social Studies (http://getsaucedatsass.tumblr.com/) kicks things off at 7pm in the front room with boozy lectures on the Great Depression. Plus the back room will host Hatchet Job (7pm) and Animal Farm (9pm, http://animalfarmnyc.com/). We’re in the front room at 9:00.

Council Members: we’ve moved to Tuesdays as part of Public...

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:28:00 -0500

Council Members: we’ve moved to Tuesdays as part of Public Assembly’s awesome First Tuesdays lineup!

Tuesday 2/7, doors at 9pm (NEW NIGHT/TIME!)
STILL SO FREE
Front room @ Public Assembly (n6/Wythe)

Our theme this month is SEX SCENES, and oh man is it gonna get weird. Robot sex, puppet sex, snowman sex, creepy sex, action sex… basically, say goodbye to your boner forever.

Featuring:
ZACHARIAH DURR (Yesterday’s Breakfast)
CALISE HAWKINS (Reverse Astronaut)
MIKE LAWRENCE (The Cleveland Library Card)
NORE DAVIS (Impeccable Sanchez)
SEAN CRESPO (Peapod Style)
hosted by TEAM JIM (The French Salad / Otto Von Jizzmarck)

FREE Buffalo Trace whiskey at the bar from 9-9:30. So show up and drink free whiskey, dummies!

First Tuesdays at Public Assembly— The Society for the Advancement of Social Studies (http://getsaucedatsass.tumblr.com/) kicks things off at 7pm in the front room with boozy lectures on underwear, sex scandals and marriage. Plus the back room will host Hatchet Job (7pm) and Animal Farm (9pm, http://animalfarmnyc.com/). We’re in the front room at 9:00.

Council members! For our first CCC of 2012, we’ve ventured...

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 12:03:18 -0500

Council members! For our first CCC of 2012, we’ve ventured deep into the uncanny valley to find you a bunch of shitty clips from PUPPET movies. Prepare to be pleasantly horrified.

Featuring:
SEATON SMITH (Pinocchio)
SEAN DONNELLY (Yoda)
ANTHONY DEVITO (Howdy Doody)
CHRIS JUREK (Bert)
and REFORMED WHORES (Topo Gigio & Lamb Chop)
Hosted by TEAM JIM (Stadler & Waldorf)

And starting this month, we’re gonna have a DRINK SPECIAL! You guys like drinks, right? RIGHT?!? $5 Crappy Cinema Cocktails (and by that, we mean well drinks) during the show. I decided not to use another exclamation point at the end of that last sentence, but trust me, we’re both very excited about this.

Sunday 1/15
7pm
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
front room @ Public Assembly (n6/Wythe)

jokes! drinks! crap!

See you there.
- Team Jim

COUNCIL, ASSEMBLE! It’s time for a HOLIDAY themed show,...

Mon, 05 Dec 2011 21:34:54 -0500

COUNCIL, ASSEMBLE! It’s time for a HOLIDAY themed show, because of, you know, the holidays and stuff. You’ll see foreign Santa Claus, a Halloween party with a hilarious body count, Ben Affleck doing something, the first warning signs that George Lucas is a lunatic, and more.

Featuring:

Sean Patton (Arbor Day)
Adam Newman (Flag Day)
Amber Nelson (Chinese New Year)
Emily Heller (Autumnal Equinox)

hosted by TEAM JIM (Black Friday, Take Your Daughter To Work Day)

Sunday 12/11, 7pm
Public Assembly (n6/Wythe)
FREE

Jokes! Drinks! Crap!

CCC PRESENTS: “Joysticks” Join us next Tuesday...

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 15:33:00 -0500

CCC PRESENTS: “Joysticks”

Join us next Tuesday 11/29, 10pm, at Nitehawk Cinema in Williamsburg for a FREE screening w/ guest commentary from Don Stahl and Nick Turner! We’ll be in the upstairs lobby. We’ll be drunk. We’ll be funny.

For directions/info:
http://nitehawkcinema.com

DUDES it is time yet again for a meeting of the Council. This...

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 15:54:02 -0500

DUDES it is time yet again for a meeting of the Council. This month our theme is TRAILERS! In a world… where shitty movies still have trailers for some reason… two men will show them to you… now, more than ever.

Featuring:
GREG BARRIS (Now Playing)
MAX SILVESTRI (Coming Soon)
BABE PARKER (In Theaters This Christmas)
REID FAYLOR (See It In IMAX 3D)
BIG FAT SCARY (Not Yet Rated)

Hosted by TEAM JIM (Available Now on DVD and Blu-Ray)

SUNDAY 11/13
7pm
Public Assembly (n6th/Wythe in Williamsburg)
FREE

Drinks! Jokes! Crap!

COUNCIL MEMBERS! It’s time once again for a meeting of the...

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 12:08:06 -0400

COUNCIL MEMBERS! It’s time once again for a meeting of the council, and this month our theme is SUPERHERO MOVIES. We’ve got superhero movies so bad they were never released, some super weird foreign bootlegs, and more. Get bitten by a radioactive piece of crap and avenge your parents’ murder while flying around in your invisible jet made of gamma rays or whatever.

Sunday, October 9 at 7pm
Public Assembly (n6/Wythe)
FREE!

Featuring stand-up by:

Nore Davis (Aquaman)
Brooke Van Poppelen (She-Hulk)
Erik Bergstrom (Moon Knight)
Jake Young (Mr. Mxyzptlk)
The Lucas Brothers (Night Thrasher and ShadowHawk)

hosted by TEAM JIM (Alpha Flight)

Jokes! Drinks! Crap!

COUNCIL-DUDES, it’s time for another meeting of the...

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 15:18:57 -0400

COUNCIL-DUDES, it’s time for another meeting of the council! Our theme is teen sex comedies, so we hope you like boobs. A lot. Seriously, get ready to see, like, every possible boob.

SUNDAY 9/18
7PM
PUBLIC ASSEMBLY (N6/WYTHE, 3 BLOCKS FROM BEDFORD L)
FREE!

Featuring:
Brooke VanPoppelen (Betty Childs)
Ross Hyzer (Gilbert)
Joe Pera (Lewis)
Rob Stern (Takashi)
Justin Morrow (Booger)

hosted by TEAM JIM (Poindexter & Wormser)

Council Members! We’re going to be teaming up with our...

Mon, 12 Sep 2011 10:25:40 -0400

Council Members! We’re going to be teaming up with our good pals from LA, David Park (Dr. God at IO West) and Dave Holmes (FX’s “DVD on TV;” “A Drink With Dave” podcast; MTV), to present a screening of one of the crappiest (and thus, best) movies of all time: R.O.T.O.R.

TONIGHT! Monday September 12th
9:30pm
Upstairs at Nitehawk Cinema
FREE

We’re going to be showing R.O.T.O.R., perhaps the pinnacle of 1980s sci-fi nonsense, on VHS, plus there will be drinks, food, and maybe a few surprises. If you’ve never seen this film (and chances are, you haven’t), you should definitely come experience the magic*.

And stay tuned for more info on our next full CCC show on 9/18 at Public Assembly!

We love you,
TEAM JIM

* crap.

Team Jim on "Portrait of a Comedian"

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 12:18:10 -0400

Team Jim on "Portrait of a Comedian":

We did this great podcast a while back, hosted by the delightful Marcus Parks, but didn’t end up posting it on the site for some reason*. This is from the pre-Public Assembly days, so ignore everything we say about where the show is and just pay attention to how funny and charming we both are.

Click the headline above to listen!

*Weed.

Featuring: TODD WOMACK (Police Academy 7: Mission to...

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 11:28:00 -0400

Featuring:

TODD WOMACK (Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow)
JERMAINE FOWLER (Friday the 13th Part VII: Jason Takes Manhattan)
JEFFREY JOSEPH (Robocop 2)
ZACH + ZACH (Look Who’s Talking Too)
JAMES ADOMIAN (Godfather III)
hosted by TEAM JIM (Alien vs. Predator)

SUNDAY 8/14, 7pm
!!!NEW VENUE!!! Public Assembly (front room)
n6/Wythe in Williamsburg, just a couple of blocks from the Bedford L
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Our theme is sequels/remakes! “Yes, we should definitely make a sequel to this awful, direct-to-VHS piece of shit ‘Black Scorpion!’” <— that is a thing someone said once, and then even worse, they actually did it. This should be a fun one.

We've got a new home!

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 11:54:00 -0400

CCC will be back in action Sunday 8/14 at Public Assembly in Williamsburg. Lineup and more details coming soon. Tell your friends, tell your family, tell your family friends, tell the cast of “Friends.”

Step into the Crap Dojo™ for our martial arts themed show!...

Tue, 05 Jul 2011 13:29:20 -0400

Step into the Crap Dojo™ for our martial arts themed show! Featuring Alice Wetterlund, Alex Grubard, Dan Soder, and a bunch of crappy crap. Sweep the leg and avenge the death of your master!